Saturday, 7 July 2012

The Bitter and The Sweet

If things had gone differently in December 2011, I'd be announcing a little one's arrival this month.  But, that wasn't to be. The miscarriage was sad  and disappointing but not life-altering like Adam's loss was, so, as a couple, we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off, and decided to try again.

For years, I heard women say that a woman 'knows' when the family is complete.  I had fully expected to have that feeling of 'done' when Clara was born.  But, I didn't.  And, that worried my - What if the family never felt complete because Adam would always be missing?  But, for those few weeks last Fall, I felt it.  One more baby would complete the family.  One more baby and I could part with my maternity clothes and with the baby gear as the little one outgrew it.  That was the positive I could pull from the experience - I could have that elusive 'complete' feeling after all.

Now, here we are.  The last little DeChamp is due in January 2013 (but a late December arrival is more likely).  So far, all is going well, but the anxiety and worry that is part of the territory in a rainbow pregnancy is there, too.  While we are both hoping and praying to bring this last little one home, we both also agree that, no matter what happens, this is our last pregnancy.  So, we're trying to push the memories and anxieties off to the side so we can enjoy this last time as much as we can.

One last baby.

"We have suffered, but we have survived;  we are hurting, but we are enduring."
- Ben Van Vechten

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